Ok I honestly thought today was gonna be fun...But my mom yelled at me nd everything changed...Sometimes I just want to get away fro her nd everyone else....I dont like the world I live in...So many ppl get killed evryday.Girls get raped,they end up having a baby at a young age...C'm on tell me u dnt agree with the things I say..Ppl need to realize that the world would be much better if we didnt have war.Violence..Its stupid that ppl do it..I have a friend that wants to go to the army when he turns 18 nd thats in a year..I cant let him do it...Why go in the army when we didnt need to go to war in the 1st place???Idk anymore..

location: My room mood: confused

No matter how hard I try to live up to everyone's expectations I just can't.Im sorry but its just too much.Im going through a hard time right now.Im not only having a hard time with my friends but with my family.The only one that understand me is Edward,and I just met him 4 days ago.He is the most understanding person I kno.I feel like I known him forever.But yeah.He is the only one that cares for me.I love him nd I kno its too soon coz I just met him.But it takes me forever to really love someone.So I think Edward mite be the one I have been looking for.I need to leave my house nd go by him.Everyone here is fucking me over.I cant itake it no more.I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~monica~

location: my roon mood: crushed music: Kerli Koiv

   I have this pain that never stops.I have this fear that I can never overcome.I have this dream that will never come true.Ime scared to try the littlest thing ever.But most of all ime scared of taking the things life gives me.My whole life I have been trying to figuer out who I am,and I never came up with a answer.Til this day I still dont know who I am.People say Monica dont be scared of life.Always tell them ime sorry I am and always will be scared of life.If I just take a chance in life I might lose something.I already lost my father who I never knew,I lost a few good friends,and I lost people that I REALLY loved.Ime scared of life coz life might give me new friends,a new father,and a new person that I will probaly end up really loving.Then after that all happens I might end up losing them. NO WAIT!!!!I will end up losing them. I have lost so many things in my life its not even funny.Whenever I get to know someone really well and we end up being good friends I end up losing them.I have this pain that never stops,I have this fear that I can never overcome.I have this dream that will never come true.

If you like this then keep reading my blogs and see whats up with me and my life.

Crying_Pain   XOXOXOXO

location: At mums job mood: disappointed music: Paramore

I get kinda upset when my friends talk about there fathers,and how the are always there
when they need them.I wish I could say the same but I cant,coz I never knew my dad.
I wish I did, but from what ime hearing he had no interest of being my father.I have spent
14 years trying to think of a reason of why he didn't want to be my dad.I still haven't came up
with a reason.My mum told me that he did want to be my father but he was listening to
his friends,and they were telling him bullshit.So that made him change his mind.Oh yeh by the way my dad,s name was Ernesto,and my mum name is Denise Hope sanchez.
So dad if your reading this PLEASE tell me why you decided to leave my mum and me.
What did I ever do to you dad.Ime 14 years old and ime still crying over you coz you
never tried to be a father.I feel its my fault that you left my mum.I feel that if I was never
born you still would be with her.But that didn't happen.Coz ime born,Ime 14,and my mum
named me Monica Renee Sanchez,and if she would have married you.My last name
would have been Hernandez.Dad I just want to get to know you.Sure I might be mad....
wait I WILL be mad.Coz you were never there when I needed you the most.You were
never there to see fall and cry.You were never there for one of my birthdays.You were
never there to teach me something.You never cared for me or my mum.All you did
was care about your fuckiing self you CUNT.....Ime going to Hamilton high school
next year.Ime going to be a photagrapher when I get older.Dad I write my owns songs,
poems,and strories.I play guitar,piano,and a bit of drums.When I turn 16 ime gonna
get a job so I can save up for college.So yeh again dad if your reading this PLEASE
call me my # is 414-698-6341.
I LOVE YOU DAD<3333

location: In my room mood: bitchy music: 3 Doors Down

Hey guys.Ummm this is my first time using this so yeh.....well ime really mad at my friends
coz the are two faced cunts.i thought I could trust them.But now ikno that I cant.
i told them something personal and they went to go tell someone.So now they kno.
It really hurts me coz they are my friends,and now when I think I can trust them they screw
it up.I CANT trust anyone I have big trust issues.I,ve known them since I was in 2nd grade.
But no they do things their way and go tell people.I hope they kno that I would NEVER tell anyone their secrets.
Its stupid.Pointless. Why tell something to someone when its not their bussiness to kno
if they want people to kno then let them kno.But if someone tells you something thats
becoz they can trust you.So dont lose that trust by doing something stupid like telling
someone who shouldn;t kno.

well I'll be back so keep reading my online to see wats going on.

location: in my room mood: sad music: saosin